grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
