Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
