eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
