I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so let's talk penis.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You made out with two different species that night
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
