just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
