I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize