Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
