but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
