Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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