I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
