I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
