Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
