I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
