So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
