he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
