my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
