I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
