I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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