But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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