Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
