ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
