someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
