Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
