i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
