I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
