Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
