fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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