I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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