Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
