I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
