Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
