I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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