Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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