is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize