Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
