Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
