We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
