She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
