When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
