Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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