i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
