i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
