Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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