Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
