youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
