You made me cry and you don't even care
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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