so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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