My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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