At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
