I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
