party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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