you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
