remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We are all done wearing pants today
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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