i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
