We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
