Nicole vs. Life
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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