My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
