Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
