Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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