he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
