one might say we're banned from that church
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
