North Korea, Best Korea!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
