Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
