Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
