I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
