well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
