saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
