woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
