I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
