i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
