Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
