Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
