i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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