I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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