I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
