does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
