she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
