We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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